And, even though I know it, a lonely creature.
I’ll start at the beginning and talk a little about my own parents.
My father died of cancer at the age of 50. He was a very maverick father. He was a yakuza, if you will. No, he wasn’t really a yakuza (I don’t know when he was younger), but he had a bit of a temper.
He didn’t have fingers on one hand, you know. It looks like he had an accident at the factory. And I was running a restaurant with hands like crabs. My slightly feisty nature was probably inherited from my father.
My mother had a brother and sister from a previous marriage, and later met my father and was born. I used to fight with my mother all the time.
When I first obtained my family registration as a teenager, my father was my stepfather and my real father was the name of a man I did not know.
Who… I thought.
My father and mother did not have a marriage certificate when I was born and finally did when I turned 5. Until then, it was sort of a de facto marriage?
I still don’t know half the facts,
Marriage by birth involves filing a birth certificate and a marriage certificate at the same time, but if you only filed a birth certificate and did not register.
It seems that if you submit the marriage certificate without first submitting the “acknowledgment” form, you are treated as a “father-in-law” even though you are related by blood.
I wondered if she might have had a relationship with her real father and later met the father she thought she had, but since she never told me, the truth is half in the dark.
Well, I don’t care about such things now, but I think it was a strong childhood. There are a certain amount of things I can’t say in the article, and I won’t write them all down, but I feel that my father, who passed away, and my mother, who is still alive and well, were both starved for love. I feel that both my father, who passed away, and my mother, who is not known if she is still alive, were hungry for love.
After her father died, she started dating new men, but they were all no good.
In short, I was mentally depleted of love, so I could only date men like that. I was so disgusted with them when I was a child.
I was like, “Oh, I can’t have this guy.
Also, my older sister, who had watched her mother’s back after she remarried at an impressionable age, was also depleted of love and began to live a life similar to her mother’s. I was rebelling against my mother and sister.
I was repulsed by my mother and sister, but looking back now, they too must have been suffering in their own way at the time.
Incidentally, I also had an older brother, but he was a nice, indifferent person, so I kept a good distance from him. I don’t see him at all anymore. But my brother is my brother, too, and I guess he must have been lonely.
Every family, big or small, has many things going on.
I don’t think about it at all, but maybe subconsciously I am also depleted of love.
I might have been.
One more unimportant thing: I used to hate my name. I don’t think of my parents who named me, but I used to think it was an unfitting name.
It doesn’t fit.
It doesn’t fit endlessly. So why did you choose this name? I hated it.
So I wonder if the names that parents name their children nowadays have an inferiority complex about their own names. (Regardless of that, there are many great names.)
Then gradually I wondered if the meaning of the name had something to do with it, and now I don’t think anything of it.
When you act for someone, but in fact it is something they did not ask you to do, or when it is often disappointing to them, you will eventually close your mind to the feeling. If that is the case, it is better to live alone.
It’s easy to be alone, because I can say what I want to say and act as I like. But something doesn’t satisfy me.
Is this really the right way to live for me? I spent my days introspecting in this way.
At the very least, I wanted to do something useful before I died. But what is that?
Ah, I don’t want to live for a long time.
I have not been able to confide in anyone, and even if I did, the person I confided in did not see that much in me, or I gave up and went through twists and turns until I am where I am now.
Yes, I am a member of the community and I have been a member of the community for a long time. As I have written, I have hired a healer who approaches introspection. I can give an early impression of the healing that approaches the physical or spiritual body because I can feel it immediately, but this time it is a special healing that goes to the astral world to help me sort out negative memories.
I want to be healed by this person, I thought so after reading his article.
It is something that takes time to show its effects and not immediate feedback, so I will give my impressions after some calmness.
Then they treated me and took me seriously, which I felt even before that. They worked very hard to write a report.
So we try not to say anything lax either.
My life has never felt like I could tell people much about it, which in turn was the reason why I didn’t show myself. I had one good psychic (soul), but other than that, there were many superficial things that didn’t feel right.
Everyone has both light and darkness. There is no such thing as just one or the other. There are those who have fallen too far into the darkness. That is why people can help each other.
A final aside
You were very lively at first…
I bought a butterfly pea seedling, but my cat ate it a little at first, but it still sprouted new shoots and I tried to grow it, but the temperature drops during the Bon festival in my area and it is probably difficult to get it to flower at this time. It is an herb suited to summer temperatures.
And there’s grass growing on it that I don’t know about. What do you mean?
I wonder if there is a soil problem. It’s hard to tell. Plants…:(´ºωº｀):
It’s autumn – everyone please take care of your health condition as the seasons change.
コメント